6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
