i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
