I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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