that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
