i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
