Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
