I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
