somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
