marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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