There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
