I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
