I wannas sexs uuuuu
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
