My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
