May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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