some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
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