I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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