If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Randomize
