I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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