Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
