let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
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