dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
