If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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