A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
