I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
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