Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
