i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
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