worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
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