Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
