You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
