Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
