you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
