You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
