I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
