I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
