he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Terrible idea I love it
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
