I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
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