just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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