wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
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