I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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