The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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