My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
