ya dads aren't the best wingmen
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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