No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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