i think my tv is drunk
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
