remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
