The maid of honor just puked.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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