Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
