wanna go halves on a baby?
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
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