We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
