I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
