In the future we'll all be gay
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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